Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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