I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
