i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want her autograph on my taint
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
