We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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