Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
