I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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