She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
