How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
