So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
