I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want her autograph on my taint
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
