spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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