he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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