I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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