Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize