I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
