the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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