And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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