who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if i can run in heels then i can drive
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
