Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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