I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize