wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
