I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sex in a hospital.. check
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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