One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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