i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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