What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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