apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
