this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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