we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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