This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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