Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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