You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
someone owes me an orgasm
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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