just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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