an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
