Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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