Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
