So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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