I wish I could teleport
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
