I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
