i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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