If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
