I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
