All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
