omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
