she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
