Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
