I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
