I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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