Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
