Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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