The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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