Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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