Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
