you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
