She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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