I wish life had little blips of pornography
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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