my sisters under your porch take her home
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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