We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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