The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
