Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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