Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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