it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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