btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
