I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
