her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
