i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
