why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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