i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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