I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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