i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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