the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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