She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
