I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
