Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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