why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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