Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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