He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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