Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the condom got lost in my hair
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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