I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
