Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
