when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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