You just made me feel so damn special
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
