upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize