just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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