next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
