Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
