he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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