1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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