I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think my mom watched the whole time
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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